How perfectionism + fear has been affecting me

Have you ever felt like you weren’t good enough at work? Like you do everything as close to perfect as you can and¬† you still get in trouble for menial things?

I’ve REALLY been feeling like that lately. It kind of reminds me of high school. I recall one time making all As and one F on my report card. It was social studies—the one class I just couldn’t get. And that’s exactly what my job has been feeling like—social studies.

I’m one of those people who hates to break rules and hates to be in trouble. I like to keep two feet on the ground at all times and make certain that I don’t piss anyone off. But for some reason, I’m like a mistake magnet on the job. While every one of my actions at work has the most pure intentions, I still get made out to look like a controlling, overbearing brown-noser who’s trying to steal everybody else’s job.

I have a theory. My actions stem from a mix of perfectionism and fear. I have an undying need to be as close to perfect as humanly possible. I also have profound anxiety around people thinking that I can’t handle myself. Don’t get me wrong, I ask plenty of questions if I don’t understand something, and I never let my work pile on too much. But I never want my colleagues to think that I can’t handle my job.

photo of purple flowers growing
Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash.

I’m currently learning and growing more and more each day. Employees care way too much about the old way of doing things, and what I once thought were considered great work traits are no longer great. It’s been a hard process, but I know everything has a purpose. Below are a few things I’m currently doing to make sure I don’t get stuck in that self-doubt hole:

  • Breathe. Believe it or not, slowing down your breaths a few times a day really makes you feel like time isn’t slipping away from you. Relax and put together a plan.
  • Step back from your situation. Take time to look at the bigger picture and how your piece of the puzzle fits in that. What are the pieces you can control and what are the pieces you cannot?
  • Talk to someone. I talked to my mom. She was the only person (outside of my company) who I knew would have an objective point of view while still considering who I am as a person and how to integrate that person into my new workplace.
  • Recite positive affirmations. Often. Affirmations are some of the most powerful tools you can use to raise your self confidence when you’re feeling down. You’re not a failure. You’re not a mistake. You’re doing just fine.

I didn’t think I would return to my blog with such a deep post, but I do miss the days when blogs were just daily chronicles of people’s lives. I’ll start including more of these for you all. In the meantime, keep your head up! You’re good enough.

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